Two years ago today I was blessed with a beautiful baby boy, Noah Paul. He was perfect in every way. I cried tears of joy that day. Today, I cry tears of sorrow for what we had and what we lost. I know God has a plan for everything. I know that Noah was sent here for a purpose and that beautiful baby boy fulfilled his time on Earth after just a brief 4 months 22 days. I will never fully understand. There are days that I am angry that we were dealt this hand, but I am so honored to have been chosen to carry that Angel for 9 months and give him a loving home for his short time on Earth.
I look at other kids that are close to his age and my heart aches. I wonder what he would look like and I long to hear the pitter patter of his little feet around the house. I grieve for all that he had yet to experience in life. Noah will forever be a 4 month old, 18 lb, bald-headed, toothless little boy in my mind, but in reality, he should be 2 years old.
We baked cupcakes for Noah. Funfetti cupcakes with blue frosting to match his piercing blue eyes. We will light 2 candles and sing to our Angel. We are going out to the cemetery to send a wish lantern off to him with special birthday messages. Not the birthday party that any parent wants to throw for their child, but it's all we have. Noah still matters and we will celebrate his birthday with him.
Not a day goes by that we don't think of you Noah. We still cry more than anyone knows. We wonder and wish that we could be a complete family of 5. I wish that the empty space in my heart would mend, but I know that it never will. Not until I hold you again. I know that you are in an amazing place and I am sure that you are celebrating today with all of the other Angels and of course Jesus. I can only imagine what a beautiful, magical place you are in. I know one day we will be reunited. I will recognize those blue eyes and that amazing smile. I will grab you and never let you go!
Happy 2nd Birthday Baby Boy! We love you to the moon and back!! xoxoxo
