We took Josiah to his 4 month check up last week and our Dr told us he is progressing about a month ahead of schedule. He told us we have a happy healthy four month old. We look at Josiah and we are just so overwhelmed with emotions. Kevin said the day that we lost Noah that the thing he would miss most is his smile. Well, Josiah has twice the smile Noah had. And on top of that, the most contagious belly laugh ever. I have decided that Noah is living through his baby brother. Josiah is his own little perfect being. But, I truly believe that he is a gift sent from Noah and every milestone, every happy memory we think of Noah. We have had some rough moments, like when Josiah started to roll over. He has slept on his back from day 1, but when he learned to roll, he decided his belly is more comfy. Well, they say belly sleeping can lead to SIDS. We are willing to take chances. I called my mom frantic. She said it would be fine, but to call my Dr if I was worried. Our Dr was great and reassured us everything would be ok. We might seem like nutty, overreactive, overprotective parents to some, but luckily, we have an awesome Dr that has been with us through the whole deal and understands and comforts us with his wisdom more than he will probably ever know!
I almost stayed home from work yesterday. Josiah woke up at 4 am and wouldn't go back to sleep. Kevin took him around 6 am and he fell asleep on his chest. I got out of the shower and Josiah was sound asleep on Kevin's chest. That was my last memory of Noah. May 9th, when I left for work, Noah was laying on Kevin's chest and looked at me with his milk soaked chin.
But, I reminded myself everything would be fine and I left for work. I didn't realize until this morning when Kevin asked me what today was that I realized he also was keeping track of the days. I have faith that Josiah will be fine. That he completes our family. But, we still have hard days. We still cry and we still smile when we think of the happy times we had with Noah. I am thankful to be able to smile when we think of the happy times we had during Noah's short lift rather than cry every time.
I continue to count our blessing each and every day. It sucks that we were lucky enough to be picked to be the family of an Angel, but we can handle it. We still wouldn't have traded any of it, the happiness or the grief for what we had and what we have. We have a great thing going for us! Josiah is the perfect addition to the Weinshrott Family. I finally for the first time had this calm come over me on Sunday night. I was holding Josiah and rocking him. He was sound asleep and I all of a sudden realized that if we hadn't lost Noah, chances are we never would have met Josiah. I can't wait until he is old enough that we can snuggle at bedtime and tell him stories of his Big Brother Noah who is watching over him day and night.
The Weinshrott Family
Memorial Day 2012
