“Little we knew that morning, God was going to call your name, in life we loved you dearly, in death we do the same. It broke our hearts to lose you, you did not go alone, for part of us went with you, the day God called you home. You left us beautiful memories, your love is still our guide, and though we cannot see you, you are always by our side. Our family chain is broken, and nothing seems the same, but as God calls us one by one, the chain will link again.” Author Unknown

I can't believe that 2 days from now is 9 months since we welcomed our beautiful baby boy into the world. I can't help but think of what we are missing out on-all of the milestones that some parents take for granted. He will forever be our 4 month, 17 pound, bald-headed, toothless baby boy. I will forever wish that we could see him sit up, crawl, take his first steps, graduate high school, get married and have kids of his own. I miss what we had, but I also mourn for what we could have had. I went to a wedding not too long ago and I cried while watching the slideshow of the groom. It made me look at the groom and wish that one day I would have had the chance to go out on the dance floor and dance with my son Noah for the mother-son dance. I am able to have peace of mind knowing that he will forever be innocent and never know suffering or pain.
I had a panic attack on the operating table when I was in surgery and I begged and prayed for a healthy baby. When I heard his cries, all of my worries went away. The second they put him in my arms, I knew that he was mine to love forever. I often said that he was "too good to be true". I guess I was right. I had my angel here on earth, but I was only given 4 months. Now I have an angel above to watch over us. I know he was sent here for a reason and I will live the rest of my life trying to find that reason and I will make him proud. I am a better person and my faith is stronger than ever after dealing with his loss.
I always joked that I wanted to put my kids in a bubble to protect them from the dangers of the world. I found out in an instant that no matter how much you shelter them and love them, you aren't guaranteed. When I kissed Noah good-bye on May 9th, I never would have believed that I would never again see him alive again, see that big beautiful smile. But, I can also say that if I was given the chance to trade all of this pain for the 4 months of joy that I had with him, I would say no way. I know I will feel this pain for a lifetime, but there is also a piece of my heart that will forever have joy and happiness that I wouldn't have felt had I never had the chance to meet Noah Paul.

Through all of this, I have learned to slow down, enjoy each day, and not to worry about the unknown. Everything works out and I am capable of crossing hurdles when they get in my way. I have survived the unimaginable. I can survive anything.

I listen to people complain about their parenting duties, sleepless nights, etc and I want to scream. Do they understand what a gift they have? Do they know how badly I want a sleepless night? I know it is stressful and parenting is tough. We all have stressful days, but some people complain every single day. As I have said before....Life is what you make it. If you don't like it, change it.
 I went back through my Facebook tonight and I read my posts from December until the day before we lost Noah-Mother's Day and I can say that I didn't take what I had for granted. I counted my blessings over and over and still to this day after losing a huge piece of myself, I am still thankful for all that we have been given and I am extremely thankful for the support that we have in our lives. Without our friends and family, I don't know how we would have survived.

Here are a few of my Facebook posts that illustrate just how blessed I felt:

I hope everyone had a great Mother's Day! I am so thankful for all my mom has done, for my mother in law that gave me the amazing man that I married, & the two beautiful babies I was blessed with! ♥


Sitting up with Noah. He's sound asleep but so precious watching him sleep and listening to him snore! ♥


Loves it when Maddy stops what she's doing to give Noah hugs & kisses!!


Maddy told me she loves me to the moon and back. Ok, she was just copying me but it still melted my heart. ♥♥


So thankful for all that I have been blessed with in life!
Had a great day with family & friends! Thanks to all that helped us celebrate. Special thanks to Scott Jennings & Tanya Onsager for taking Noah as your Godchild!


Thank you to everyone for the birthday wishes! I had a wonderful day! I am so blessed to have a loving husband, 2 wonderful kids, & the best family and friends!


I'm lucky, I was raised by the best parents and have the husband I always dreamed of. And to top it all off I have 2 wonderful children that make me want to be the best person possible! ♥


Snuggling with my freshly bathed babies....life is great! :)


There is nothing better than a lazy day snuggling with my kids! ♥♥♥ (just wish my husband was here to join us!)


I ♥ my family!


Had a great lunch with the best husband in the world! ♥


Should not torture myself by listening to the heartbreaking stories on cow 97's st jude telethon! Thankful for healthy kids!


Snuggling with Noah. It's a dirty job, but someone's got to do it! ♥ ♥


Best part of my Valentine's Day: Madelyn's hugs and telling me "I love you Mommy. I missed you much." Who knew that such a little person could make you love so much!?


I survived my first week back to work. It was good to get back into my routine and so worth it to come home to Madelyn & Noah. I am blessed!


I hate the thought of leaving my kids on Monday to return to work, but all good things must come to an end. ;( I am truly thankful to be blessed with a good job that allows me to provide for my family.


Noah survived night number one in his own room. And so did I. :)


Great ending to a perfect day...Noah's smiles! ♥♥

heading to Madison for a "Maddy Day"! :)

Noah is 6 weeks old today. I wish I could freeze time. :(

We are having a "Maddy Day" on Saturday. Taking Maddy to the Children's Museum while Grandma Paula Kennedy Ahlers watches Noah. Can't wait!

Noah is one month old today. He makes me want 5 more of him!

looking forward to a date night with Kevin Weinshrott this weekend! Dinner and a movie and I'm sure a conversation about how much we miss Madelyn & Noah... :)I am so lucky to have my little family. Noah was the perfect addition!

is smitten by an 8 pound little man!

had a great day today with my family. Looking forward to heading to my grandpa's tomorrow so Noah can meet a super special man, his great-grandpa Ahlers!

 

wishing everyone a safe & happy 2011!! Hard to believe 2010 is coming to an end, but looking forward to what 2011 has in store!! (if only I knew!!!)

 

had a wonderful Christmas. I truly could not ask for anything more-wonderful friends & family, a loving husband, a beautiful daughter, and my precious son. I AM BLESSED! ♥♥

Thank you everyone for the congrats!! Noah Paul Weinshrott was born on 12/17/10 at 1:04 PM. 7 lbs 14 oz-20 inches long. We are home and enjoying our new additon. We are so blessed!

Two years ago today I was blessed with the most perfect gift ever-my daughter Madelyn. I love you sweet baby girl!!

I miss Noah every day. Just when I think I am getting ahead of the pain, it catches me off guard. I would do anything to have our family complete again. It's funny to think that a year ago, I was worried that having another baby would make Maddy feel less loved and I didn't know how I could possibly love another baby as much as I did her. Then we had him and everything was right. I couldn't have asked for the more perfect family. The Lord works in mysterious ways because here we are missing our son and preparing for another baby. I know that this baby won't replace what we lost and I don't want Noah replaced. I do know that this child will be the perfect addition to our family and we will have Noah watching over us, our precious little angel.