Counting My Blessings

All I ever wanted in life was a loving husband and babies. I used to picture myself with ten kids and then I grew up and got real. I married the most wonderful guy I had ever met on October 6th, 2007 and we welcomed our beautiful daughter, Madelyn into the world on December 13, 2008. Our life was perfect and we couldn't get enough of our little girl. We questioned what we did before we had her and how meaningless our life had been. Funny how by having a child, your own needs and wants change and your only concern is making sure that your child has everything they could possibly need and want.

We decided in early 2010 that we wanted to expand our family. When I found out I was pregnant, I cried. I was so happy yet so nervous. I didn't think it was possible that I could love another human like I loved Madelyn. I remember sitting in Madelyn's room one night watching her sleep and just sobbing. I felt so guilty that I was having another baby and so afraid that she was going to feel neglected because our focus would be on this new baby. I was scheduled for c-section on December 17th. We spent the day with Maddy on December 16th, just enjoying our last day as a family of three. I hardly slept a wink that night, worrying about the thought of adding another child to our happy home.

December 17th came and at 1:04 PM, I heard the most beautiful cries of my son, Noah Paul. I instantly knew that my heart had enough love to offer for both of my children! When the doctor brought Noah over, I kissed his little cheeks and he looked at me with big blue eyes. When I was finally done in surgery, they wheeled me up and I got to hold my son for the first time. The love that I felt for him was so much the same as the love I had for my daughter, yet so different. I knew instantly that I was complete. I had everything I could want in life and so much more. I bonded instantly with him and just cried happy tears.

The happiest moment for me was when Madelyn got to come in the room to meet her new baby brother. She acted like she had known him forever and loved him instantly. Being in that hospital room as a family of four was the best feeling in the world. From that day forward, she loved her brother and never passed up a chance to smother him with kisses or just taking a break from playing to go talk to him for a bit.

The day we brought Noah home it felt like we had always had our family of four and I was sure that nothing was going to come between us. I am a constant worrier, but for the first time in my life, I convinced myself that I was blessed with a perfect family and nothing could take that away from me.

I thanked God every day for the life that he had given me and counted my blessings over and over. My kids were given thousands of kisses every day and probably reminded of my love for them twice for every kiss I gave them. I didn't take a day for granted. I did everything right-I wasn't overprotective, but I tried my best to offer them the best that I could to make sure that they were healthy and happy.

Noah was the most perfect baby I had ever known. From the first night in the hospital, he slept through the night. He didn't fuss. He just soaked up every bit of life that was around him. I said many times that he was almost too good to be true. When we had Madelyn, we thought she was the best baby one could ask for, but when we met Noah, we found out what a good baby really is. He wasn't just good. He was perfect. He was perfect in every aspect. The only time he fussed was when he was really tired and it wasn't the normal fussy cry, it was just a quiet cry. I'd lay him in his bed and he'd be off to sleep.

We enjoyed every chance we had with our kids. My last memory of the four of us was May 8, 2011. It was Mother's Day. Kevin took me out for dinner and my mom watched my kids. After dinner, we picked the kids up and headed home. We were both tired from a long weekend of running, but we decided we should take the kids for a walk since it was a nice night. We tried to put them both in the wagon we bought them for Christmas, but Noah was still a little unstable, so Maddy sat in the wagon and I pushed Noah in the stroller. We walked the whole circle around town, a much longer walk than we normally take, but it was so nice out and we were having such a nice time talking and watching our kids enjoy the stroll. We got home that night and I gave them each a bath. Maddy was playing in the tub, so I got Noah out, lotioned him up, and got him into his jammies. They were a pair of my favorite pajamas he had, they had little whales on them and were red and blue. I layed him on my bedroom floor and he just kicked and cooed and the light and ceiling fan. I then got Maddy out and dressed and we relaxed for a bit before bedtime.


Noah usually slept through the night every night, but that night he woke up twice. He wasn't crying for food, he just wanted his pacifier and then he would drift off to sleep. If I had known that would be the last time he would wake me up with his cries, I would have sat up all night and just held him. The next morning, I got ready for work and Kevin got Noah out of his bed and fed him his bottle. Before I left for work, I went into our bedroom and Noah was laying on Kevin's belly and looked up at me with the biggest smile I will never forget. I kissed his cheek and he gave me a loud belly laugh. I remember, I just wanted to climb back into bed and spend the day with my family, but I had to get going to work. I never thought for a second that would be the last time I saw my baby boy alive.